There are times you get really fucking frustrated with yourself right. Where you know what you are doing is not healthy or you're not acting in a way that you want to be acting, and yet you keep doing it.
What's your version of this? Want me to share first? Mine, well mine is I won't look at you or talk to you if I'm upset - like really upset, and feeling like I'm not good enough or something that triggers those deep unworthiness stories, (the time that it would be really beneficial to talk) I shut down and it's like trying to communicate with a brick wall.
"Oh shit, the walls back" was a common conversation I had with myself as I sat with a million thoughts in my mind as I played the stories of failure over and over. Layering brick after brick with words of self loathing.
Choosing to sit with my shitty stories and accept myself without judgment has been a practice that has taken much energy and effort to do, especially when feeling vulnerable.
You see, the stories may always be there, but how we choose to act and show up in life, that is always our choice. Yours and mine, nobody else's.
There is NOTHING my partner or friends can say or do that will change the way I feel, unless I choose to change. Yes, they can definitely influence us.
But at our core, we know that our mindset, our state of being, is completely c o m p l e t e l y up to us.
Which gives us the power to choose our own experience and take back control of ourselves.
What is your action plan when you are feeling frustrated? Feeling loss of control? Thinking that everything is everyone else's doing and you are the victim? Are you going to allow yourself to be taken over by your stories? To be triggered into brickwalling like I do, fighting back like your life depended on you being right, will you run away or hide your true feelings only to have them come out a few days later as you retaliate with some passive/aggressive bullshit against whoever's pissed you off?
We all know shit's going to happen.
But rather than focusing on the play out that's happened in the past, create yourself a new future - and act on that in the present moment.
A question to ask yourself (I must get back in the habit of asking this more often too) is this: 'if I was being the greatest version of myself, how would I respond to this situation'.
This question encourages you to get present with yourself, to acknowledge who you are being, and to invite a new possibility for how you could be acting.
So much of the shit we are experiencing - IS OUR OWN SHIT. Take responsibility for where YOU are not showing up for yourself and action change.
Where do our 'not good enough' stories come from - OUR OWN MINDS.
None of this 'he said/she said' my love, YOU created the story in your head.
YOU made an action, a statement, an experience or a situation mean something and you created the story.
This is your time to take responsibility for the creative process and notice the impact these stories have had on your life.
I created the story that I wasn't enough.
I created the story I was unlovable.
I created the story I had no value.
I created the story that I couldn't be myself.
I created the story I had to change who I was if I wanted to be accepted.
I CREATED THE STORY.
And it's stopping me from feeling like I am enough. It's stopped me from accepting myself. It's stopped me from recognizing and receiving love. It's stopped me from showing up authentically and fully expressing myself.
It's stopped me from living.
I'm soooooo freaking tired of it, and I know I'm not alone.
The impact of these stories is not only just on my life, but my friends, family and the man I'd like to enjoy life with.
Everyday I'm not being present and showing up for myself these stories attempt to influence me, just as yours influence you.
Which is why we must MUST show up for ourselves, it's the most powerful action we can choose to take responsibility for.
Showing up for yourself may look like a daily ritual or practice, weekly yoga, dance, art or meditation classes, a monthly gathering with friends to connect and be inspired by (if you're Auckland based check out Goddess Gatherings).
It may be choosing to prioritize your wants and desires over your children's once a week. Or asking your family/friends to look after them so you can have time alone.
SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF
For the things you want to do.
For the conversations you want to have.
For the life you want to live.
Because those stories that we made up that make us feel like shit, they are just stories, and to really remind ourselves they are just stories, we must show up for ourselves and write new stories about how worthy we are. New stories about how special and loveable we are.
New stories that affirm we are greater than we can even think we are.
Show up for yourself and affirm these stories. Let's make these stories the ones we tell ourselves. So we can take responsibility and hold ourselves accountable to these new standards, these new states of being.
Where we can be present in those moments of frustration and say to ourselves 'no, this behavior, this act, this is unacceptable', and call ourselves out on our own shit.
Make it part of your daily routine to show up for yourself in powerful ways, take responsibility for your choices and actions, and transform - exponentially.
Show up for yourself and you can make anything happen.
~ Elizabeth Grace
As a woman who has spent years of my life adhering to society's rules of how I should live, I have shut my mouth, dressed appropriately and continually said yes, please and thank you to things that in a number of cases, a firm 'no' would have made me much happier.
Due to my following of these rules, I have taught people how to relate to me in many unhealthy ways.
I've stressed myself out as employers would load me up with work they know I'm great at, and I wouldn't say no.
I've been taken advantage by friends who've made unreasonable requests that I was too polite to refuse.
I've felt controlled by lovers because I didn't affirm my wants, needs and desires, and I've submitted to theirs.
I was lucky enough a few years ago to have one of those powerful moments in life that became a pivotal moment in the way I related to myself, my life and people I invite into it.
When my marriage broke down, I began to question all the structures, stories and so called 'rules' of what I was socially expected to be/do in my life.
I've chosen to create my own life as I explore what feels good, and not so good. Getting to the core of why things may be the way they are, rather than how I've been programmed to perceive them.
Within my work, my friendships, my relationships, and my family. I've enjoyed and sometimes been challenged by the choice to transform and teach people a new way of relating to me as I begin to speak, share and express myself with more honesty and openness.
It's triggered tears, laughter, joy, sadness, frustration, annoyance, love, appreciation, surprise, support and an incredible flow of growth and learning for everyone.
I take delight that since that pivotal moment, I have prioritized healing emotional trauma, actively explored and questioned everything I am and each day I get to celebrate I am loving and living in alignment with my truth.
As I was writing this post, it made me think of a wee writing I had been working on as part of the Liberation Of Lilith program that I had saved on my phone, which I wanted to share. I feel it invokes a powerful way to choose to live and love:
You won't find me sitting around waiting for you. I have no interest in being your servant, your subordinate or slave.
You won't find me holding myself back from having the conversations I want to have, or connections I desire to enjoy. I will speak with a knowing of my truth and will curiously question that which I desire to know the truth of.
You won't find me prioritizing your interests over mine or limiting my pleasure to please you. My pleasure is my priority and my responsibility. However, witnessing you in your pleasure also pleases me, so let us both enjoy limitless pleasure in life.
You'll find me here being the wildly glorious being I am. Both chaotic and controlled in the creation of my life. Notoriously expressive in my emotions and enigmatic in my being.
You'll find me here being challenging, charming and complex. Undeniably alluring with my ease and Grace, and yet frighteningly powerful in my ability to invite discomfort for growth.
You'll find me here destroying and creating everything around me. Testing and transforming structures of old as I take what works and creat them new in service of life and living in alignment with Love.
To love me, is to love the wild wind, in the dark, surrounded by shadows, unaware of what may be felt as the next breeze blows.
To love me, is to walk an ever changing path towards a destination you desire. Unknown and not yet explored.
To love me, is to trust in the darkness. To welcome it to subsume you until it becomes clear and you can see it's light.
This is my truth of what it is like to love as a wild woman. As an embodiment of the feminine energy ready and inviting the awakening of her truest expression of self.
As a woman who has spent years of my life adhering to society's rules of how I should live - I choose to live in alignment with my truth of how I choose to live.
With respect, honesty, integrity, creativity, compassion, and of course, fully and freely expressed in alignment with my core four values - joy, love, passion and pleasure!
Women, it is time to heal and express yourself authentically. Let's meet ourselves and each other with love for all our chaos, and transform how we teach others to relate to us in love and life.
~ Elizabeth Grace
Liberation Of Lilith
A woman I admire posted a quote on her social pages recently with the message:
'Darling, you are not your thoughts '
First I thought I agreed, damn right I am not my thoughts! All those self-doubting, rude, unloving, spiteful and envious thoughts.
Then I thought about it again.
Yes. I. Am.
I am my thoughts, but not necessarily what I am thinking.
My thoughts are created by me.
My thoughts are thought by me.
Which is why I am so mindful of them and take freaking responsibility for what I am thinking.
Or at least do my best to maintain my awareness of them as they come and go and the impact they have.
Darling, you are your thoughts.
It's time to stop avoiding your responsibilities and own it.
Own your mind.
Own your thoughts.
Own your life.
You are your thoughts, but not necessarily what you are thinking.
~ Elizabeth Grace
She was found in her body, dancing with the world vibrant and vibrating around her. Inviting her body to surrender she moved as the flow of energy itself.
The Goddess embodied he witnessed her. Each flick of her hand, curl of her hip and stretch or flex of her limbs.
Seducing him with ease as he maintained his distance, not yet ready and willing to be subsumed by her, but igniting his arousal at his core.
Enlivened by his distance she freely danced and moved with lucid expression.
She became like the music herself. Each sound oscillating her body and breath in harmony.
Transfixed in his gaze he welcomed his mind to follow her movement. Feeling his unexplored desire for her awakening.
Motionless he watched from the edge of the world. Witnessing this insatiable being as she toyed with her reality.
Both in stillness and movement life itself became alive.
~ Elizabeth Grace
This morning I wake feeling a dusting of sadness has fallen across my heart, defusing the brightness of my love.
The layering of yet another emotion to clear, piece by piece, in the continuing motion of loving and not feeling loved in the ways I desire most.
My presence with life must turn inward once again to myself, for in this moment, the keeping of my heart open and clear must be maintained.
To love is a beautiful thing, deep, passionate, expressive, challenging, oh so challenging. As I wake today, I feel the challenge is all mine.
Each particle of dust tiny, yet carrying the weight of a warriors armour. Sadness has fallen in it's attempt to keep me safe.
Protection from rejection, it layers itself like an army of soldiers protecting their Queen of Hearts. Each thought of words not said invites another dusting of sadness to fall, another layer of protection, more weight as the warriors line up to defend my heart from attack.
One by one I must be present with each piece of sadness, each particle of dust.
Like a sovereign Queen I will walk the rows of these soldiers of sadness with gratitude and love. Thanking them for always being ready when they are called upon. Honoring them before relieving them of their service.
As Queen I will sit at the throne of my heart. Not with sadness to protect me. But with love.
Love is the keeper of my heart. Unseen yet seen. Felt, yet untouchable. Always present, yet often unnoticed as it flows and dances to rhythms unheard.
That is the challenge with love.
Never really being sure it's actually there, until you believe that it is. Discovering all the ways it's felt in each moment. Challenging one to discover love in many ways, places, experiences and rhythms.
Even in sadness, feeling love for each piece of sadness. Offering and inviting love to be felt. Honoring each and every particle of dust, before clearing it from my heart.
I am love, the keeper of my heart.
I will continue to invite it to guide me, not with sadness to protect me.
But as love.
Bright. Bold. Beautiful.
~ Elizabeth Grace
Your body knows what it wants.
Your body knows what is good for you.
Your body knows what you need, to keep you safe, supported, surrounded with love, and to feel all of these things fully, without limitation.
Your body is your greatest guide, if you are willing to move your attention away from your logical mind for a moment to feel it. That mind that tells you all choices must be made by driving yourself insane as you analyse, examine, compare, dissect, challenge, scrutinise, consider and weigh up all your options.
This is why I practice getting into my body regularly.
To know how my body wants to move.
To know how my body likes to feel.
To know how my body enjoys being, in life, in love, in sex, in relationships.
Your body is your greatest guide, if you are willing to give your body space to be felt. To allow your body moments in your day to make choices from feeling, rather than thought. To invite curiosity with touch, taste, sight, hearing, smell and inner feeling.
Play with your body.
Have fun and explore life in this physical world. Life becomes alive when your body connection awakens.
~ Elizabeth Grace
Want to know why men are so afraid of you?
You dont let them have space.
Space to be a man.
Space to just be.
Too busy with your own agenda and interests, already planned out your lives together in your head.
I get it. I do it.
You want the best, so you'll do what you need to to enjoy it.
Yet your/re then requiring men to show up a certain way.
Pigeon boxing him into a 'type' he needs to be.
You push him and pull him depending on your mood, and will play the game until you get what you want from him.
You manipulate him, coerce him, tease him, set him up, test his values, and challenge his masculinity by always needing to be in control or not trusting his choice when he's asserted it.
By not sharing with him openly, lovingly, authentically, honestly, playfully, a trusting way that he could understand.
You fail to recognize moments of love because you're too involved in other things. You get caught up in your head and you fail to recognize his advances, and then fail too receive what he offers - with gratitude, when he does.
However long you've known the significant men in your life, I have no doubt that you began to assess your relationship to him as soon as you met.
Maybe a teacher, a friend, a potential great love that you meet when you are 30.
Loving him for what he is worth to you, and matching your worth against his.
You know your/re worthy when your/re together. Your/er a power couple, until your/re not.
Backing off and disconnecting yourself.
Ignoring your/re emotions, ignoring his.
Refusing to listen to your body. Holding onto hurt and pain when you dont need to. Too scared to be out of control.
No wonder men are afraid of you.
You don't give them space.
Space to be a man.
Space to open the door for you.
Space to nourish you and cook for you.
Space to ignite your creativity.
Space to speak openly without judgment.
Space to be held and loved.
Space to be great and to be seen being great.
Space to please you.
Space to excite you.
Space to support you in every aspect of life.
Space to fuck you until you experience oneness of consciousness.
Space to love you in the best way possible, beyond all you imagine possible.
You think he's afraid of you?
I think your/re afraid.
~ Elizabeth Grace
The confusion that I feel as I dance out my rage is always the same.
Where did things go wrong?
What did I not see?
Who else was involved?
Why did we end up like this?
How could things have been different?
The frustration that I feel as I dance out my pain is always the same.
Where did I not show up?
What words were not said?
Who had I become?
Why was I not enough or too much?
How did you anticipate things to happen?
The satisfaction that I feel as I dance out my anger is always the same.
Where do I choose to focus?
What experiences can I now have?
Who else could I invite into my life?
Why do I maintain my attachments?
How can I most powerfully express myself?
The guilt that I feel as I dance out my sadness is always the same.
I'm tired of my thoughts.
I'm tired of my questions.
I'm tired of my feelings.
I'm tired of my heart being closed off in an attempt to protect myself.
Today I choose to dance with freedom and an open heart.
A heart of confusion and rage.
Of frustration and pain. Of satisfaction and anger. Of guilt and sadness.
Free to think, question and feel everything.
To dance is to invite the movement of emotion. Each movement. Each moment. Energy in motion.
Rage. Anger. Sadness.
Both pleasurable and painful in each articulation and undulation of my body.
Today I hate as much as I love.
This is the Liberation of Lilith.
~ Elizabeth Grace
There is a desire to destroy everything I've created.
Everything is exactly as I desired it to be, perfection.
And yet I find myself intoxicated with thoughts of chaos.
With the inspiration to destroy all that I know and love and recreate, create, from chaos and devastation.
To build from the dust up.
The ruins of a home once loved pushed aside as I begin to build anew.
This is the flow of creation, of creators.
To love all that is in every state.
Everything exactly as we desire, imperfectly perfection.
~ Elizabeth Grace
There was a moment I thought I could only be creative or express myself fully and openly if/while I was high.
Not just mind altering substances, but my energy, that I had to be all live and light and freaking polite.
That it wasn't ok to show up unless I was that way.
That I needed to be high vibing, to be welcomed and accepted by others.
That if I was feeling sober, I wouldn't be as much fun to be around or I'd make others uncomfortable.
I've always been hyper aware of what people think of me, paranoid even.
To the point I wouldn't go to family birthdays, shows or events, unless I was performing a show and could pretend to be anyone but me.
Because I believed I wasn't good enough simply as myself. I had to be better than who I thought I was.
Over the past few years I've had the pleasure of discovering that who I am, just as I am, is a great person.
And I've become a great person, because I choose to be - not because it came naturally.
And because I have put in the freaking work! Transformation is a process, and choice is a huge part of it!
Choosing to consciously create a life that supports me being great, is why I now truly believe I am a great person. No doubt I could be greater - I am a royal mess some days too (but I'm great at it).
I choose to eat foods that nourish me.
I choose to rest my body when it needs it.
I choose to honour my rhythms and cycles of creation and creating.
I choose to create or perceive my environment in ways that inspire me.
I choose to relate with people who challenge and empower me.
I choose to have sex with people who respect me and my body.
I choose to live in alignment with my values.
I choose to be loving and compassionate to myself and everyone in my life.
I've also begun to choose to be creative and express myself when I'm not all love and light.
When I am tired, when I'm in need, when I'm feeling all the feels.
Rather than holding myself back, I'm creating a new level of greatness by having the courage to be all of me.
The dark, deeply inner focused, intuitive and mischievously creative me that doesn't often get space to be seen because I've believed that part of me is not acceptable.
The truth I am discovering is that this shadowy part of me, that hangs out and observes rather than being the life of the party, is TOTALLY acceptable - and actually encouraged by people who are ready for real, deep, authentic relating.
I had begun to believe I
could only be creative or express myself fully and openly if/while I was high, because when I was high, I thought I was greater than who I believed I was.
However, I've chosen to create a life that supports me to truly believe I am greater than I think I am.
Does that make sense to you?
You 'think' you are ○ great.
But you are actually ● great.
And you believe you are • great.
Start believing you are ● great!
(In this highly scientific explanation ● is greater than •)
I remember the first time my mum said this to me.
We were in the kitchen of her home and she called me delusional under her breath. I had thought she had mean I was delusional for thinking I was ● great, when I was only •, where as she said I was deluded for thinking I was only •, when I am ●.
It's taken me another year to create a life that actually supports me to believe her.
We are all great. Greater than what we believe ourselves to be. It's time to embrace and embody our greatness and create from this place. To see greatness in all aspects of our being and to express who we are freely, as we desire to.
You don't have to be high (vibing or otherwise) to express yourself.
Come to the party exactly as you are.
~ Elizabeth Grace
Personal writings & adventures from my life as a Coach.
Elizabeth Grace is a wild woman in the coaching world.
The methodology is deep. Bespoke. Not time-based.
You don't think you need a coach? perfect.
She's not a coach, Elizabeth is a Professional Witch that will help you transform your life.
Her mission is to inspire you to recreate your life.
How? By connecting you to your personal truth and empower you to follow it courageously.
Elizabeth is here to help you release all that limits you from being your greatest self, to guide you to rediscover your Joy, to experience life filled with Love, and to inspire you to follow your Passion and to do everything with as much Pleasure as possible.
~ Elizabeth Grace
The Passion Queen
Clear stories from your past that limit you from living authentically in the present.
Connect with you truth and stop being run by programming imprinted by friends, family or past experiences.
Become aware of the unconscious choices you make and create your life consciously.
~ Elizabeth Grace